Too much money and fame comes from hell

This is for my case. I don't know about you. Been there, and from then on, I knew my limits of such luxury.


I was sharing with a few people last night that how money began to eat me, and infact, changed the person I was. I lost control over it and it begun to sink into my life and others as well. For a few months, it went like that. It's normal, for us wanting to crave for more and to feel wealth, to be able to buy ourselves peace and comfort. But you know what, I cannot deny the fact that it will destroy us slowly, and worst still, will prolong if we never noticed it.


The urge of wanting more makes us become greedy naturally, because of this thought in our head which rings over and over, 'you don't have enough..you don't have enough'. As a result, we vent our anger feelings on those around us, don't want to meet people or even do a little bit of kindness to those around us. I found that appearing in me, because I let people around me down and I was ruining my own relationships. Thank God that I noticed it, instead of putting the blame on others e.g. saying that people are a burden to me. Initially, I was complaining about how people help me 'spend' my money. The thought of spending became a fear, especially if just spending on a drink whatmore on somebody else.


The thing that brought me to realization is that I felt that I wasn't being myself. I felt pain, guilt and was indeed really mad at myself for doing such things. Then one day, as I turned back to the Bible, I realized that it wasn't what God wants me to be. I'm not supposed to be living in guilt. That's NOT of His will at all. Instead, I'm diverting my views at what I have as a blessing. I shouldn't look at what I do not have, but instead feel happy for the priviledge that God allowed me to have. Of course I need to work out a way to control myself from overspending, otherwise it will defeat the purpose as well.


I guess it applies to fame as well. I was given many roles of leadership. I've taken it, learnt a lot, especially when it came to a point where it really messed up my life because I couldn't handle it. Pride sets in. When people asked me if I were to be boss of a company, or taking leadership roles in church, I would certainly reject. Because I already know what will happen. I will become unbearable and become one of those lady bosses whom you always complained about. I know I will change.


As a conclusion, I need to have both of these moderately in my life. I only ask for enough money to support whatever I have to support and as for fame or rather, limelight, I ask for minimal. It doesn't mean that I reject leadership in my life, but I believe that there are silent leaders. It's possible to summon a group of followers without having a label or raising voices. It's possible to add salt to people's life and you can see the changes in their lives for yourself. It doesn't have to be a big hu-ha. Only we know what we did, and the best part is, it has such a great impact that perhaps the person we influenced can't tell what happened, who did it and people around them will notice the difference too.


J

Butt of her Own Joke

Curses her parents
When their backs are turned
Jeers at those who are better
Because she is the best

Oh how she laughs at funerals
As if she would live forever
Looks down on the weak
Kicks them while she is strong

Chases people for work
Screeches when it ain't done
While hers is piling
Like a kingdom before her throne

So many are frightened of her
So many scared to stand up for truth
But in my eyes
All she has is insecurity

She has no love
And no one loves her
This is why she behaves this way
Gaining love from power

Love poured out from my vessel
She wouldn't allow her empty jar be filled
I became the butt of her joke
Even she influenced the ones who trusted me

But deep down I know
The end is coming near
It will change that she will fall
Face down on her own joke


J

This is the real thing

We all do wonder about life and God; at least once in our life. And during the times we start to try to figure out why and what are we doing here on earth, are usually when times go bad. And when times are bad, we have two options to choose to respond. One: Thank God for what happened and continue trusting Him for the best or Two: Blame, curse God and asking him to leave you and your life alone. Incase you are confused; I’m covering two topics in this essay. First: Life and Second: God Himself.

Many people have different opinions about life. I cannot argue with that because it depends on priorities. I’m a follower of Jesus Christ, therefore, my ultimate aim in life is to know God through him and to walk his ways. It does amuse me to find out that most people think that once being a Christian, our lives will be stain free. If that’s the case, God might as well thrown us a little book, decorated with autumn leaves and red roses where the inside says, “Life is a bed of roses. Now that you’ve said the sinners prayer, off you go…Free…” with pictures of angels playing harps and little sheep prancing in the meadows. I felt the urge to bring you the bad news. HALT! Bad news with hope.

Many times in our life, things just go wrong or we’re just so messed up. Often, we point our fingers at others without checking ourselves first. Some of you might think of those who seem so strong and confident in life. I even heard a phrase that goes, “the positive, will always be positive and more positive and the negative, will always be negative and more negative”. Whoever had thought of that phrase, good on ya, nice words but UNTRUE. You can throw it away. Lots of people out there seem to make it big and puts on a façade as if life is smooth sailing for them. Lots of people put on big smiles when they go out. But you know what? They’re probably dying inside or at least, one point in time when they felt lousy. It’s nothing abnormal. Let me first clarify that we are NOT made to be perfect. I know you know that, but do you imply it on yourself? We were never made to be thrown in this circuit of life, fumbling about for the right gears to enter and figuring out how to drive properly by ourselves. However, we were not promised a bed of roses either. Okay okay! I know you’re getting impatient! I’ll hit the jackpot. What I want to tell you is that we are given a manual, a manual for maneuvering life. If we obey what that manual says, only then we can stand strong in the midst of a storm. This manual is an interesting manual. It doesn’t only have instructions, but also examples of the lives of other people whom we can relate to. People like you and me. You can see the consequences when they don’t obey.

This interesting manual is written, or rather inspired by God himself. And the name of this manual, is called the Bible. What is written in the bible, is no mystery. It is easy to read and understand. However, the mysterious part is how it speaks to you, and how you perceive it. Don't worry, it doesn't tell you stuff like 'Chant your prayers and I will hear thee', 'If you can go without food for 40 days you are a champion' or 'If you forgive at least 70 times, your sins will be cleansed from My wrath'. (Honestly if it did, I wouldn't even recommend it to you) It teaches you simple things, but it is NOT easy to follow, as mentioned, we are already a defeated species. Let’s take one verse. Matthew 5:44 that says, ‘But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you’. Simple isn’t it? But do you really understand what it is trying to say? It means, CARING for your enemies! Think about the person who hurt you most, that car that just overtook you or stole your parking space, the grumpy woman in the library or behind the counter. This verse didn’t say, “love those who love you back”. It literally means to forgive and not hold any grudge against people like these, but to love them in return, doing good to them, and what more, PRAY for them! It didn’t say, “Thou shalt stab your colleague’s back(s) if they bitch about you”. I know you wished that scripture said it that way. Unfortunately, it’s not the way of God. He does not intend you to walk that way. Well, I guess I do not have to explain the consequences if you retort with anger, self-pity, slander or destruction at a situation. You already know what would happen. Situations don’t get better. I won’t say that by loving you will change situations but you can change YOURSELF. It’s not an overnight thing. Obeying what the Bible says takes time and one has to be very patient while acting upon it. The Bible is not created just for bedtime stories, but for you and I to learn more about life, to lead a meaningful life and most importantly, to discover the heartbeat of God. In fact, to put it another way, the Bible is a mirror for you to see your own image, that if there are meant to be corrections anywhere, it will tell you what to change, only if you see it of course! How would you expect to be corrected if you didn’t see your zit? It can’t shout at you! Trust me, if you could apply at least one verse in your life, you will see that beauty change in you. Even if you don’t, others would. It’s unhideable.

We always perceive God as some Big Guy in da Sky, has a pot belly, stroking his beard, striking lightning at those who disobey him, amused by his cute Lego set called Earth and seems impossible to ever communicate with him. Therefore, lots of people come up with all sorts of imaginations and theories of ways to reach God. I have no time to talk about that. What I want to say plainly is that God is not THE mystery. We are not meant to understand him fully because the bible already said so. He is our creator and He loves us. That’s all the info we need to know. The other part is whether you accept it or not and your decision to make out of this info. He is there to assist us and in fact God is quite a simple being. Obviously, the Bible is His word, so if you want to know more, you’ve got to read it and not only read, but to follow what it says, and THAT is His WILL for us. We always talk about doing God’s will. It’s no mystery where you have to starve yourself to death or do religious things to find out what He wants us to do. Flip those pages and you will see it all lying there, waiting for you to choose. If we read the bible carefully, there’s no in-between. It’s always a clear cut, a yes or a no. It’s only us defeated creation, that create our own problems due to our wants and greed. Agree? We don’t really need many things in life, if you really sit and think about it. God is Holy, and you must understand that. He CANNOT associate himself with sin. Mishaps don’t happen because of Him. I know you must be thinking, “God can stop mishaps”. Well yes He can, but as I mentioned so many times before, life isn’t a bed of roses! He has his own plans, but for sure, his plans are never meant to harm any of his creation. You must be thinking about those who suffered and died for him. Let me ask you this question. Wouldn’t it be better for someone to rest and be united with God forever? You may go on blaming God for being mean and stuff, but that really isn’t going to change anything. The only thing is that by having thoughts like these may cause you to fall. Just be careful.

On the other hand, if we reacted thankfully to situations like death, divorce, break up, financial distress, stumbling business or whatever it may be, it is a step of faith. It is a beginning and in fact, an opening for more avenues for God to work in your life. It is like a hospital. Doctors are meant for sick patients. Not the healthy. The reason why so many people decide on the second option of response is because their heart and faith is not built on solid ground. This life manual is provided for you and I to know how to respond and react in stormy times. Ideally, it is better to read it before a storm happens.

I guess I have spoken enough. I cannot convince you, cause the only way to convince yourself is to discover it for your own. The bible is the coolest tool I’ve ever had for rebuking, correcting, encouraging and teaching. Have you purchased your life manual yet?

J
Inspired by the Bible, Holy Spirit and Pastor Chris Kam

Healed?

Wow...just a short posting for today. I want to tell you how amazing healing can be, or rather, how prayer works. Prayer is a funny thing that many do not understand. Only those who have used it to its maximum will know how it works, really. Because those who know how to use it never gave it up. I'm one of those who gives up many times. There are some strange times when my prayer had been answered ON THE SPOT. Scary but true. And when it is answered, in a pleasant or tough way, my faith increases. I noticed that it's only this way I learn to put my trust in God. My faith wavers when I don't pray. I become lazy because I don't see God working in my life anymore. Like a dying friendship. The longer you don't keep in touch with somebody, or don't see the person, the impact is just not as constant anymore...well, it is like that for me.

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There were many things I've prayed for and it was answered, but there are 2 most outstanding ones that I cannot forget. The first one was for my grandfather. He was already dying and the doctors told us he would only survive another two days. That was the moment when I totally disbelief what anyone said, or how the people around me are reacting. Although those around me gave the feeling of losing hope, I don't know why this strange surge of hope rose within me. Boldly I declared and prayed aloud with my sister, that my grandfather WILL live. He will live till he has heard the gospel. I don't remember my exact words but I know that I prayed confidently. Confident that He listens, confident that He'll give me an answer. Wow..it was the rarest time ever! Since that day till last night, I've never prayed like that before. With that confidence. What did God respond? He gave grandfather another month to live and yes, he heard the gospel. I don't know if he accepted it, but during his funeral, it was the first funeral I felt very very peaceful. I sort of 'banned' myself from attending funerals in the past because I had horrible nightmares after attending one. Grandpa had a rested face, a satisfied look which said, "Mission Accomplished on Earth". No nightmares for me after that.

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I had a foot injury from work about 2 months ago. It's due to a muscle pain on the roof of my foot. It's really a strange place to get injured in. I thought it was because of twisted veins..well, whatever it is! When I went to Bangkok, I had a warm bath and after soaking my foot in that hot water, it sort of went back to normal. However, the pain returned after I attempted swimming. This time, it got worst and my knee hurt as well. I've been limping slightly for 2 weeks. Though I sit down and rest often, it doesn't work. Last night, I decided to pray about it. If God can heal, why not try Him? So I prayed. I laid my hands on my knee and my foot. Then I prayed for my scalp as I am having my scalp problems again. Oh, I'm having some thinning of the hair due to seborrheic dermatitis. There's no cure for this one because it's due to some yeast on the scalp which everybody has. Only 5% of people in the world have an intolerance to this yeast. They will find irritation, scalp turns oily, flaky and red spots appear. As a result, it harms the hair. If I'm not mistaken it's a genetic thing. Well, what the heck. I prayed for my knee and foot and IMMEDIATELY the pain went. I was thinking, "Ah...maybe it's all in the mind" but you know what, till now since morning, I've been walking a lot due to work and it hurt not one bit! I'm so thankful and amazed. About my scalp, I don't know yet. It might take some time.

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God has funny ways and times of responding to our cry. It may be years down the road, it may be immediate. Most of my prayers are answered many years down the road. Sometimes I feel that God has very cruel humour, but haha, I find it funny. I'd like to believe that the God I trust is humourous. Let me tell you several prayers of mine that I like to laugh about after it was answered. Firstly was when I had a major crush on this boy when I was 12. I so wanted to be with him and hoped that he would have the same feelings for me. Guess what, God answered it 5 years later, when my feelings have of course, travelled to someone else. Besides, I got to know this boy a bit better and I'm thankful we're not together. Not for bad reasons, but there were certain things I knew I cannot tolerate about him. Secondly, when I was 10, I had very thick hair. So thick that many hairdressers couldn't give me a good haircut therefore I always wore it short. I got sick of my thick, unruly hair and I asked God to thin it down. Now I got my answer. LOL! Sometimes I feel God is chuckling by Himself up there, watching what happens below at His lego set.

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Yeah, prayer is really cool. Most of the time, we're not prepared to receive what we asked for. Speaking about that, I was chatting with a good ol' friend of mine about life partners. He asked me what I asked God for and there I gave him a very long list of what the future guy has to be. He nodded and said, "I see....I only asked God for a gf and He gave me one that suits me perfectly". How embarassed I was! Then I asked him, "But why didn't you specify what you wanted?" And this was his answer, "I didn't ask too much because I do not know what will be suitable for me. Besides, the person that God has for me, possess qualities which I will need in future which I do not know right now". What a simple prayer! He's only 18.

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I suppose the way we ask God for things in prayer should be kept simple. Like I mentioned, most of us are not ready to receive what we ask for, moreover, we do not know what will be best for us. Most importantly, don't be shy to ask.

"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence" - Ephesians 3:12

J

Patience

It's always so easy to speak this word, hear it but like you and I, we struggle to have it. Patience is something we are not born with. It needs to be cultivated in every situation. This word came to my mind ages ago, but I never really dealt with it. Today, since I'm having some free time during work..ahem...I decided to write a little essay about Patience. I hope it makes sense.

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Why is it that we get agitated so easily? It's because of our differences, our priorities, our beliefs and our opinions. Nobody I've met, have the same thinking nor have the same priorities. Maybe similar issues but hardly accurately the same. And because of that, naturally we become defensive of ourselves and heck, we lose Patience. Wow..I really am beginning to like this word now. It sounds so...magical. Patience. When you see it, you'll come to a sudden halt, and you'll start rethinking about stuff. When we get agitated, we lose patience and we get angry. What a waste of hair isn't it? (Oh yah...people lose hair from stress if you didn't know because when we are stressed, the body produces some kind of hormone and it is an unhealthy thing in the blood so..yeah..it'll affect the other parts of the body).

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Let me tell you a story. I am someone that struggles with anger. To cut it short, I lack of patience. Till today, I'm struggling with it within myself because I try not to vent it on others. If you would step in my mind right now, you might not even survive seeing it. That's how bad my anger gets. Now I try very hard indeed to stop it, like walking away while I'm not settled or ready to talk. It's killing me I know. Therefore, this word flashes in my mind frequently.

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Patience comes by through endurance. There's no other way it could be learnt. This is one thing I know. When the mind goes off hand, endurance is the last thing we would think of, because at that point of time, what matters most is to fight the case, to fight for our own rights, to defend outselves, to make sure we're in the 'safer' part of the situation. It's always me, I and myself, isn't it? Think about it. In the end of the day, no conflict will be resolved. It's not about just uttering the words, "Sorry". It's about cooling off quickly, putting ourselves in the other party's shoes and talking out the situation. Keeping quiet and grumpy till the sun goes down will not help one bit. I've tried this method and it works. BUT it is something we need to get used to doing. Practice patience. Practice enduring. At one point I was getting the hang of it but because I became complacent, I got back to where I was. It's something we need to work on constantly.

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Here's what I notice about impatient people. They don't get along well with many and they do not have good friends. They have this tendency to boss people around because they themselves are too impatient to be able to do the job. This makes them so unlovable and just makes them unattractive. I wonder why some girls especially, think that it's so cool to act strong and macho cause it really really puts man off. I've sort of 'interviewed' some guys, both single and married about their choice of women and that's how I found out about this. Even some of their wives/gfs act like barking dogs. Girls, don't blame your man if he's going for someone else, cause you really need to look at yourself in the mirror first. This is an attitude problem, it's not being strong. Ah, I'm going off topic..better return to Patience.

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I'm running out of thoughts. Basically, Patience is a beautiful word which makes a person different in and out. Patience is not Compromising. Patience is being able to step out of the box, looking at things from a third person's view, working out a way to solve a problem. Endurance is when we swallow our "Me...WHat about ME???!!" thoughts and feelings to be able to grasp Patience. Compromising is ignoring Patience and Endurance, and just agreeing with the other party, go with the flow whether I mind it or not.

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Cool. Today I learnt something myself from my own typing. Hahaha!

J